How to find intimacy in a relationship with a loved one? Is a question that I am often asked by many who call me over phone. Men and women wanting to be held and touched and caressed out of love and affection and with honor, is a struggle that most of humanity is going through. How to state this need without feeling shame or guilt to the one we love? The perennial conflict within often keeps one in a frozen state of being for days, months and years.

So many fears are operating at subtle levels that come in the way of the joyful expression of love and affection in close relationships. Men and women of all ages like each other but are afraid to hold hands, give a hug or a kiss out fear of being judged as loose, immoral, sluts, gays, lesbians, and disrespectful.

Isn’t it natural to feel physical proximity to another human being simply out of love and deep affection? Yes it is. However often the way such display of feelings and needs is received is hurtful.

There are many reasons as to why simple display of physical love is rejected by human beings. Some of them are as follows:

1. Lack of physical affection as children.

2. Children never having watched their parents or grandparents display love physically  among themselves.

3. Children who were sexually and physically abused receive all forms of physical affection as potential threat to body and spirit. Hence there is mistrust and suspicion from the most innocent advances also.

4. Social, religious and cultural conditioning which keeps humanity from reaching out with a loving touch.

5. Parents showing a false front of being asexual people. Children who come from families where sex and sexuality are all behind closed doors, thus keeping children in ignorance of the fact that their parents are also sexual beings who are making love.

6. Children who are shamed as kids for exploring their own bodies by feeling and touching their anatomy.

All this and much more are embedded so deep in the human psyche that intimacy in physical forms is almost always sacrificed at the altar of safety. This I see is harming humanity in more ways than one. Couples who are married, couples who are dating, among mixed sex friends, among same sex friends, parent-child it all these relationships are suffering.

I will write more on how to get past these fears in my next blog post.

Till then leaving you all with these points so that on may reflect within.