I was often tempted to go for retreats. Retreat means to take a back seat and relax to nothingness. There was a time in my life when the whole space of home and work and everything else from my insides to outsides seemed unbearable for the emotional turmoil and raging confusion of mind that I was facing. So I asked my mentor, my Guru, a woman, if I could go to a retreat. And she was my Guru online…She left the choice to me and gave me a range of choices from a simple frugal retreat in an ashram, mid range ones in the Himalayas, to high-end ones in Spas.
Then she also gave me the option of staying at home with my children and family members…and RETREAT into the worship room (common in most Hindu households) and sit in meditation, which she was guided me through, for as long as I felt necessary. She gave me Mantras suitable for me to chant. She guided me through Chakra meditations..Then she asked me to take Zen walks in my neighborhood walking trail. Thankfully it is green with large trees and gardens. And to motivate myself I adopted Goldy, my dog. She is my walking companion now.
She also asked me to write a journal morning and evening, as I liked writing. So I used notebooks for some years and then started to write online. I write a lot these days. It helps me retreat into my insides and beyond. It helps me to cleanse my thoughts and it waters the creative plant in me.
Then I slowly started to find retreats while watching a movie with my children. Or while making things out of trash with my son..or listening to YouTube songs with my daughter.
Then I started to find retreats in sharing my story and my world with friends and strangers. Then I found that what I wrote was touching some lives. So I started to write more. Then I found that people wanted to talk to me. So I made myself available to those who needed someone to listen or confide in.
Then I started to travel. Sometimes alone, sometimes with the children. Falling in love, making new bonds, new relationships, finding a new and deeper meaning to life. Then I found myself reconciling with old lovers and friends. Found new love, broke my heart, retreated to cry and recover.
My children are older now..than they were when I had my biggest emotional breakdown. Today they can be left without me if I wished to go for one of those faraway retreats that my mentor had also suggested.
But hey you know what now…It is no big deal really!!!
This is the story of a WOMAN and a MOTHER’s RETREAT….it now seems like I just needed to Re–Treat myself with my true self..that is all…not mis–Treat..my self anymore!!!
PS. Thanks Hema for the inspiration to write this…