I try and look for peaceful solutions to daily conflicts in our lives. To accept that conflicts are the first steps towards peace has helped me to be calm and centered in the choices that I make with regard to my self and my children. I do not always succeed but I try. Sometimes peaceful solutions come with much conflict and one needs to accept that too. I have often had to be firm and strict about certain things to reach peace. Peace comes when we are true and authentic to our needs and compassionate to those of others. However it is important for me to always look at what is the need of the hour and whose need is greater in a particular situation.
Whenever there are conflicts of interest between my children, I automatically do not side with the younger child or older child. I actually listen to both of them and then allow a peaceful solution to emerge. Yes, sometimes for a while one does feel aggrieved, but remembering that it is not my task to please all but to work towards a peaceful solution and that it is a step towards the larger picture, works better.
Ishaan being the younger child often makes use of his being young to try and get his way. He is more vocal and pushy by nature. Gourika on the other hand is submissive and a person who likes to avoid conflicts if she can. I need to look at situations objectively and see to it that Gourika does not get hurt and is not forced to give up for her younger brother all the time, simply because ‘he is small.”
Then I also often find Gourika using her quiet, coy nature to get her way. Then also I need to be objective and see to it that she realises how always doing this will not get her what she needs. Constantly facilitating my children to be able to use their true nature to live life as they are meant to is working towards peace for me.
I see this happening many a times in families, where parents say, “You are a big sister/brother, he is small, allow him/her.” I do not understand this. I have seen how parents create sibling rivalry by just doing this. Sometimes the trend these days is also to ‘consciously’ support the girl child too much. She is allowed to get everything. That also I feel is going to the extreme. Often the boy child feels angry and left out. And the girl might start using this ‘ I am a poor little girl’ attitude to manipulate others for her needs. The brother starts to resent the sister. Keeping balance by not looking at children as small or big, boy or girl, quiet or vocal, can help in peaceful and real solutions. It is a healthier way to live.
And one of the paths to take to nurture a balanced, self assured, confident adult life among both genders.