One main aspect of our being is governed by the relationships that we have. Most of one’s reasons for joy, happiness, suffering, pain, sorrow, anguish and despair, seemed to be governed overwhelmingly by the relationships in one’s life. The conflicts that one faces in one’s lifetime, has so much to do with the relationships that one has with others. Most of one’s life is spent in figuring out the reasons for these conflicts.

Why is that, at any given moment of time one person can feel conflicting emotions for the same relationship? How is it possible that the person we love the most is also the person we hate the most? How is it that, this love or attraction that one feels for another individual is many times bordering addiction? How is that, the hatred of another individual is so intense that one often fantasizes bringing harm to that person?

Also have you ever wondered why we feel a sudden strong attraction to a person you meet for the first time? Or feel a sudden surge of strong repulsion for a person you have just met.

The answers for all the above questions are all within the individual. If one is willing to see others as reflections of one’s own desires, inhibitions and aspirations, the pain and suffering faced in a particularly difficult relationship can easily be transformed into blessings, if one is willing to see the other as a teacher who is here to impart a very important lesson for one’s own growth and evolution.

The first place to start is within. The paradox of life as we see it is in the separation that one thinks exists between the individual and the Universe. The animal and plant kingdom do not feel this paradox, because they are one with the universal rhythm of growth and decay.

Human beings on the other hand, consider themselves separate from nature and the universe. This happens because of superior consciousness that human beings are fortunate to be born with. This in itself becomes a hindrance to feeling oneness with the universe and all that it brings to us. Because the human consciousness is controlled by the mind which is like a computer data bank storing millions of data and impulses in the form of memories and impressions that one gathers since childhood and also many past lives.

These memories and impression get imprinted on the mind because human beings think that the experiences are happening to the individual and one really has no control over these experiences. The mind with its impressions, do not ‘die’, they remain as vibrations in the Universe.

But if one were to look closely at nature and see how plants, animal, birds and insects operate, one would see that they do not have the sense of experience. They just flow  with the natural rhythm of life. The cycle of conception, birth, transformation and then decay come naturally to them. They do not fight this cycle.

The agony of human beings lies herein. Human beings fight the natural cycle of conception, birth, transformation and death. When I say fight I mean ‘resist’ the natural process of life as it is in its true nature. And resistance is always detrimental to growth and fulfilment.

That resistance is detrimental to growth and fulfillment is easily explained by the visualisation that I am about to mention. Close your eyes and try and visualize that you are caterpillar. See and feel yourself amidst green foliage having a good feast of tender leaves. Feel that you are moving slowly with your tiny legs. Then slowly see this caterpillar turn into a chrysalis. Feel yourself cocooned inside this closed chrysalis. Feel the pain of being bound and limited within a small space. Feel the agony of the deep desire to be free and flying high. And then tie yourself to this closed space and tell yourself I will stay here and not leave. Tell yourself this is comfortable and feels safe and secure.

Now feel the emotions that arise within you. See the resistance. Feel the chains. Can you breathe? Try to take a deep breathe right into your guts and fill yourself with fresh air. Now breathe out with force and break free, push yourself out of this cocoon. See yourself turn into this beautiful, radiant and colorful butterfly.

Relax, you are among flowers and trees and leaves and flying under the blue open sky. Breathe in and out slowly and smell the fragrance of sweet nectar. As long as you fee like. And now open your eyes.

This is what some relationships, if allowed to transform can change your life. Face the conflict and walk through it knowing that it is a lesson for you and then walk free and let the other also free to fly into his or her horizon….

How does it feel to be free and out of that chrysalis…?