Anger is an emotion that has been condemned and judged by all and sundry all over the world. “Don’t be angry”…”Why are you angry?” “Anger ruins relationships”..”anger can make one blind with rage.”
And all this is true…but when we are angry then all these statements make us angrier or withdrawn.
In my life anger has played the most pivotal role in my journey to transformation. So I say anger is a GOOD emotion and carries within it deeper and higher potentials of a human being that one is simply unaware and unconscious of. That is all.
Of course this state of, being unaware, of one’s own anger can continue for the whole of or most of one’s lifetime. Bringing with it unprecedented pain and suffering, not just to the one with anger but to all those one encounters.
Interestingly anger is not an emotion at all…It really is just a symptom of much that goes on behind that eruption. Let us put it this way, ‘anger is the sound of cough that is surfacing because there is a lot of congestion in the lungs’.
Now what does a physician do when we go to him with a cough. He examines the lungs and says to the patient ‘breathe deeply.” And as he listens to the sound of your breath he knows where the obstruction in breathing is happening. So depending on the intensity or place of the congestion he administers the medicine. And viola, the cough is gone!
Anger is a symptom of the following emotions, fear, jealousy, envy, hatred. So the only way to cure anger is to transform, by understanding the emotions, that are lying behind the symptom of anger.
Now let me take the emotion of fear and show you how all fears have only one root feeling. That root feeling is LOVE.
Fear can be of many things. But the most dominant fear is the fear of not being loved. Now this fear arises from childhood events that create impression on the mind that over time assert within us that ‘I am not lovable and hence I am not capable of loving.”
How does this fear of not being loved make home in the mind? There are many reasons. Child sexual abuse, abusive domestic scenario, lack of freedom to express one’s raw emotions, suppression of creative expressions, sexuality and individuality, moral upbringing, non-demonstrative love between parents, self righteous mother or father, and the child’s own karmic patterns of course.
And the deepest fear is actually of being found out for ‘”Who I am?”
So when all the above things or some or many happen as experiences to the individual over and over again, deep resentment and anger sets in, because one is incapable of being who he or she is. There is the memory of going out to the world by being authentically one’s own self and coming back each time for being shamed for having “messed up’. So we start hiding the authenticity and simply start wearing masks to become people pleasing and actors. But my dear friends acting can last for a couple of hours not a whole lifetime. It is bound to cause actor’s fatigue and then dear one you are out of business!
The biggest fear of life takes root. THE FEAR OF FAILURE. Failure in all areas of life keeps us forever trapped in a semi state of being. Not ever opening up our whole self to the world, to those we want to love, to those we want to hate and avoid, the inability to say yes and no at the opportune moment to love, joy and abundance.
So what happens when one cannot say yes to love, joy and abundance. One gets angry at someone or something which one perceives as being an obstacle to one’s moving forward. Because that is how it has been since childhood. Someone stopped you from being who you are. And that someone is the most important key to your congestion. The nature of the relationship with that person is the medicine you are seeking.
Each time an archetype of that person comes into your life, the triggers go off and you start shooting. And all other emotions associated with fear: hatred, jealously, envy start to play up. And one just wants to metaphorically kill this archetype since deep inside one knows that this is the obstacle. So we get angry and violent and full of rage at this person, sometimes abusive also.
The person leaves or withdraws and stops loving you and you establish your deepest fear and deepen the root even more, “I am not loved.”
The start point is identifying that person in your life from childhood and then reflecting on the nature of that relationship. Now begins the journey to the root from the fruit.
How to create the love that you need and do away with the fear is really the search or the seeking or yearning for most of us here on this planet……
And I will write more about this in my next post. So stay tuned in my friends…I love you.